Poker is a game enjoyed by many, but for some people - it’s a passion. And for some of those, it is a passion taken to the extreme. After years of study and clinical research with the top minds in psychology, the team at Bodog Poker have come up with a fool-proof list designed to tell you if you suffer from Poker Dependency Syndrome (PDS).
If you find that you answer “yes,” add one point to your score. If you score six or higher, then you definitely suffer from PDS and should seek immediate medical attention (or at least deserve to be making some serious money playing).
1. Have you ever chosen to play poker instead of having sex with someone you are attracted to?
2. Have you ever gotten into a bar fight and suggested that you take it outside… and down to the casino where you can settle it over a game of poker?
3. Have you ever gone to bed snuggling your favorite poker chip set?
4. Have you ever written a poem, short story, haiku or novel that explored your love for the game of poker?
5. Have you ever dressed up as a playing card for Halloween?
6. Have you ever melted down a poker chip and tried to inject it into your veins?
7. Have you ever voted in a political election exclusively based on what the candidate’s views on poker were?
8. Have you ever finished a 16 hour online poker tournament just as your significant other was waking up to make breakfast and pretended that you had already been to bed and woke up early to play some poker?
9. Have you ever selected the location of a marriage, honeymoon, funeral or bat mitzvah based on its proximity to a quality poker room?
10. Have you ever played online poker until one of your eyeballs has fallen out?
11. Have you ever tried patenting a device that would allow you to play online poker 24/7 by inserting electrodes directly into your brain?
12. Have you ever played all of the events at the World Series of Poker and then after busting out of the Main Event gone and joined the nearest cash game? (Worth 2 points if answered Yes.)
13. Do you find yourself yelling out poker terms during everyday conversations? For example, “I’ll see your coffee and raise you a triple shot Grande Macchiato.”
14. Even though you’re totally straight, do you have sexual dreams that involve Daniel Negreanu, David Williams or Phil Ivey? The same goes for women who dream about Evelyn Ng, Isabelle Mercier or Kathy Liebert. (Worth 3 points if answered Yes and 4 if it was about Kathy Liebert)
15. Do you find yourself watching Jennifer Tilly play poker rather than staring at her tits? (Worth 2 points if answered Yes)
16. Have you cried more at the poker table than at funerals?
Add up your score and please note that some positive responses are worth more than a single point (we’re looking at you people who fantasize about Kathy Liebert).
Here’s what the various scores mean:
0: If you scored zero you’re healthy but kind of a loser in our books.
1-3: Although your love of poker isn’t negatively impacting your life too much you might find some relief with a little counseling.
4-5: Danger, danger, you’re getting kind of weird on us there.
6-7: Okay, you have PDS and should seek treatment. Science says you’re nuts, so go deal with it already!
8-10: You scare us. Seriously, you’ve gone too far and need to take a break and come down off the poker for a while, possibly with some Roulette, Craps or Go Fish.
11+: You are beyond all help and hope. You only read this article in hope that it would end with a link to a fantastic online poker site. There’s your link, now go indulge yourself at Bodog Poker.
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